Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I still have a little drunk in my system
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
