Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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