Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
