So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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