what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
