I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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