I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
