Actions speak louder than pants.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Bring me that man meat
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
