Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
