I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I intend to get homeless drunk
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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