my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
