Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
