I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
