Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
