I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
