You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
