She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
