Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
