It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
