It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
