You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
