We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
