I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
