Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
