lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
