When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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