i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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