She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is wine microwaveable?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
