Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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