I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
