you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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