Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
