you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
