last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
