just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
