Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
