cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
