youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
