dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
