im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Im part way to drunk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
