You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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