I need to stop coming to work sober
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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