I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
