Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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