who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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