Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
