I cannot find my penis.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
