my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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