apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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