my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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