Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
