i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
